Tuesday, December 29, 2009

a book

A Life With Delan..

A Strange Dream!?

“You’re finally here!”

“Yes, I am”

We kissed and Delan embraced me so lovingly.

“Ten minutes to go!”, shouted Boss.

“Yes, Boss!”, Delan shouted back, happily. I’m very glad to see him that way.

It was at the end of fall when a chance for me to go abroad came up. A friend of mine in the US wants me to spend some time with him and his family I gladly accepted the offer. Who would not accept such offer? I mean, hey, there’s a rare chance offered for you, a chance to go abroad, who won’t take that?

I really wanted to go abroad and see different places but I can’t afford the expenses so until then it was just a dream.

So I got busy processing my papers. This would be my very first to go abroad so I did all the preparations with caution. My friend is too kind to shoulder almost all of the expenses. And I thank him a lot for that.

I applied for a visitor’s visa since I won’t be going there for a work. I played hard that the American agency would accept my request. It took weeks and I was about to lose hope when almost a month have passed. I was about to tell my friend the bad news. Actually, we are chatting on that day when the agency called me and told me they’ve approved my visa. We were both very happy at that time. I was so excited! So I told my parents and they got excited. They’re telling me have fun there, to bring them some souvenirs for them when I come back, and other stuffs. What would you think excited people would say that time?

I lived in a small barrio. And as what to be expected in a small barrio, news spread as fast as lightning. I going abroad become a very popular topic for almost a month.

So when the day for me to go came, I asked my parents and friends to let me go alone. I’m glad they allowed me to but with a condition that they’ll meet me in the airport when I came back. There’s nothing I could do but to agree because I know what will happen if I won’t.

My flight was during the morning. I really can’t remember what time it was but I’m sure it was quiet early. So I had to get on the early bus. I arrived at the airport exactly two hours before my departure. I still had plenty of time to rest and I thought of what my parents and friends had told the day before I left.

“You better go look for a job there. Who knows that this trip of yours will serve as a blessing in disguise? You might find your luck there.” Mother told me.

Actually, my friend also suggested for me to find a job there. But I stopped him, saying,” It’s way too much for you! Thank you for your kindness but if I will have to have there I’d better do it myself.”

“But I can give you work if you want!” he insisted.

“Yes, I know you can but I can’t really rely on you all the time. This is enough. Actually, I had also thought about that when you told me to come over. So just let me do it own my own, okay?” I replied.

“Okay! Well, if you want it that way, it’s fine with me! You’re pretty stubborn at times you know.” He agreed.

“Thank you Bro!”

I didn’t notice how long my trip was because I slept all the way until I reached my destination. I never heard the time was announced then because I was asleep. I only wo9ke up when the stewardess woke me up. I was ashamed so I got off the plane in a hurry and coming out of the airport, I saw my friend waiting amongst the excited crowds of friends and relatives awaiting for their love ones arrival. We greeted each other.

“So how was the trip?” he asked happily with a big smile on his face.

“I slept all the way, so I really can’t tell.” I told him sleepily. I am not used to go on a very long trip so I got nauseas and I felt really tired. My friend laughed and told me I look funny. He helped me load my luggage on the trunk of the cab he hired then we went straight to his home in Arizona.

Yeah, I had been to Arizona! Even now I can’t still believe that I had been there.

Just like in the plane, I slept all the way too thinking that I will have plenty of time to take a look at the beautiful landscape soon. My friend never disturbed my slumber. Then we finally arrived. My friend’s house was nice. That’s all I could say.

I felt really at home during my stay there. I had playing with the kids. I chatted with his wife about some sort of things. My visa only allowed me to stay for a few months so I told my friend I have to roam around and look for a job. It was on my second month when I decided to go looking for a job. My friend and his wife told me places and shops that I could go to apply. So I went there alone. I insisted but I was a bit scared that time.

I wasn’t really familiar to that place, so I bought a map with me and marked the places that I’ve been. While I was roaming around looking for potential employees, I tried to memorize every corner and streets because I badly want to remember all of them. I was bringing with me the camera my mother borrowed from our neighbor. As I was strolling, I took pictures of places I went and anything that I might view as beautiful.

A whole month passed yet I wasn’t able to find a job but I continued searching. A week before my predefined departure back to the Philippines, m y friend suggested for us to have a picnic.

“That will be great, daddy!” he’s daughter agreed.

“Yeah, honey! It’ll be great and the kids can play the whole day with our guest. I am really saddened that she has to leave next week.” Risa said. I’ve come to like her since she was so warm - a picture of a good mother and a friend. She insisted that I’ll call her by her name. We have become friends since the first day I set foot on their home. Their family – all of them – is so warm and kind – a good, happy family. One could just wish to stay there forever!

I just said”Yeah, me too.” coldly.

So I think that was Tuesday that we had our picnic at a nearby park. I played with the kid. We played the whole day and wore ourselves out. On the afternoon, we decided to take a nap. My friend and his wife just came back from their short stroll when we decided to stop. I told them that I want to go somewhere in the park for while. They allowed me and stayed with the kids who were already asleep.

I went to this part of the park where there is a small man-made lake and was surrounded with big trees. Winter season was coming so it was getting cold yet it was a fine, sunny day. Sunny but not that warm like on a real sunny day. It was a great day after all. I lay down on the grass because I love to lay down its soft grasses. I lay there staring at the great sky, leaves are falling from trees. Birds flew from tree to tree. It was very pleasant to look at. It was a very solemn day. I can hear people passing. I can even make glances of couples searing on the benches surrounding the lake set at the sheds of the trees.

I was on that situation when I felt dizzy so I decided to doze off a bit and closed my eyes. A few peaceful minutes passed, and then I noticed something blocking the light on my face. Though my eyes were shut, I wasn’t asleep because I can’t really go to sleep. I pretended to be asleep. Though you close your eyes, you can still tell if the light in a room is being turned off or not. That was what I felt. Someone was blocking the light above.

I didn’t open my eyes thinking that it might be a bird or a leaf that suddenly blocked the light but it lasted for a couple of minutes and so I got conscious. A couple of minutes passed but nothing’s different so I got puzzled and opened my eyes. I was a little pissed off because I really loved the way sunlight shone on my face then I saw someone looking down at me. We stared for a few seconds and I noticed he never winked. I thought it was my friend playing some sort of a prank so I smiled. He smiled back then I figured out he wasn’t my friend because his smile was different. So I stood up in a jerk.

“Why am I smiling to some stranger? Why is he looking down at me in the first place?” I thought and I looked up at him. Thinking that he might be some kind of a pervert, my blood boiled and I shouted unknowingly.

“Hey! Why are you looking down at me like that? Who are you> I don’t even know you! How dare you! You….. you…! Pervert!” I said angrily in a single blow that I was catching my breath when I got finished. Instead of defending himself from me calling him a pervert, he just smiled at me and asked if he could set next to me. With his response I got more angry and told him, ”No way! Why would i? I don’t even know you! Pervert! Why would I let you? Okay, that’s it! I’ll go now. Thank you for ruining my siesta!” Then I stood up and dusted my pants. I was starting to walk when he suddenly grab hold of my hand. I got totally pissed off and tried to shook my hands to let go of his grab but he’s grasping it too tightly.

“What the he

Monday, November 16, 2009

Friday the 13th in Manila!

I slept last night wishing that this day would end not as everyone thought it would be.

They say Friday the 13th is not a good date. It was even considered as a day of bad lucks.
Yet for me, it was not. I was confused about all things. I was always lonely, heavy-hear ted but slowly I was able to learn simple facts of life.

I don't really remembered how my other Friday the 13th in this world ended but today I wish I will never forget.

My day ended happily. I am so grateful and I wan to stay like this forever. Earlier I saw no stars and was so sad. I thought there will be no stars tonight since the night sky is so cloudy. I had wish that I may see just one.

Now I do not only see one but plenty of them.

Everyone's been here for me all the time yet I was choosing to be left alone somewhere . A place that doesn't exist.

Though reality hits me so hard that t even take my smile away, I still have to embrace it.

I think I'll stay like this way.

I guess this is just me.

I'll be longing for that certain place until the day that I'll be able to find it. The n, I'll be taking the next step after that.

But this day ended happily...... (with a smile!). :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Just got bored....

A new day has come. Another ordinary day. A day of working, mingling, sitting, pleasing, what other things to do in such an ordinary day! I have been wondering where I am leading since the day I choose to walk on this path I’m in. I’ve been lost for a period of time and it seems that I’ll stay lost forever.

Ohhhh..!! That sounds too scary! I don’t want to end up being lost! Forever? Hey! I still want to be.. hmmmm what do I really want to become?

Maybe ahmmm… let me think again… ahmmmm… oh I see! I think I want to become…. an enthusiast!!
Or maybe a racer! Oh that sounds great! Driving a formula car… oh it’s really awesome! Or maybe a singer! I always want to be one ever since I was a kid!

My mother once dreamt of having a teacher daughter. But we refused. I refused! I refused to fulfill her dream. I never wanted to be a teacher. I don’t know why, I just don’t want to be one.

Of course what would a mother feel if her daughter will refuse her? She was sad and asked us why do we refuse on becoming a teacher? We told her our reasons. She got quiet.

I thought she was upset and got mad but she wasn’t and assured us she will never get mad at us for making our own decisions.

Ever since I was wondering what I will be in the future. Even now I was so undecided about it. But one thing is for sure.

I only want to be free. I want to fly up. Up! Laughing with birds. Swimming with fishes in the shore. Exploring. Exploring! Exploring!

Hay! Dreams! They’re just to good to be true. Maybe they’re just meant to be dreams forever! So lucky am I to have these dreams!

Lucky! Lucky? Yeah! Whatever!

Monday, October 5, 2009

First Train Experince!

Having been in the LRT is a first time experience for me. It may sound so naive but it's tru. At frist I thought that being in the train will cause me nauseas but what i had experience earlier is the opposite. Well I never thought trains are air conditioned facilities! And guess what! We were standing in the train! Well I consider that one, another adventure in my first train experience. I even thought of collecting the gate passes but my friends told me that I cnnot keep it as a souvenier or collectible or something because we will be needing it when we will be going out of the station. Of course! Waht are gate passes for. That saddened me a bit but it's okay! That's the way it should be.

We indeed sue our gate passes the moment we are bout to go out of the station. We insert them in the machine - like thing which ate them and it reaaly never release back our gate passes. What a shame! I am still hoping that I will be able to keep my gate pass.

This day was also ht first time I set foot on Tayuman, Tondo where my friend was assigned in one of the branches of the company where we are working. That was alo the first time I selt the mell of a squatter's area.

Well it doesn't matter nything to me. The palce is still a home for everyone in the city specially those who were born and grew up in Tondo. I cannot be so very socially concened in that kind of matter. They love it there so let's just be it.

And oh! I saw two little boys asking for alms. I relally felt very pitty for those kids. They are just two little kids. I wonder will their limber bodies survived the cruelty of the big world were in? i thought of giving them alms but something flash on my mind so instantly that all I could say was, "Louya sad sa mga bata oi. Gwapo r ba unta!". The thought is that "Are those part of certain syndicate?" I reaaly hope no. They are too young to experience such cruelty. They must be with other kids: playing, studying, playing, studying and exploring till they run out of energy out in the sun and indoors.

I really hope that I could help those children somedy. If given a chance, I want to see them having a good future and smiling to their hearts content. Living happily in this big, mad world we live in. If not, maybe someone out there, somehow, might find a room for those kids to live freely and happily.

That ended my first train experience!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Love.....

The game of love, it doesn't matter who win or lose, what is important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. It is the presence of the soul that makes you "LIVE", but the presence of love that makes you hppy. If your heart gets broken by the time you truly love, don't let go of your love for the person but let go of the person instead. You'll never know love might be sweeter the second time around.

It's hard too find true love because people are too caught up looking for the perfect person they don't realize that love s not finding the perfect person, but being perfect for someone else. Love knows no reason, love knows no lie, love defers all reasons, love has no eye but love is blind they can see but they don't mind. We are sometimes afraid to say "I LOVE YOU", instead we say "I MISS YOU" but often misunderstood leaving the ones we love on which you don't realized he has also feelings the same like you do. Love not because the person is the only one but because the person is the one you are willing to gave up everything because it'd worth fighting for.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Going Away....

How should one feel like living alone in a strange environment..

Hmmm,...... Guess what! I think it will be okey.....

you what do you think....????

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

What "RAQUEL" means....

Ewe may refer to:
Ewe people, an ethnic group in Ghana, Benin and Togo
Ewe music, music of the Ewe people
Ewe language, the language of the Ewe people
"a female sheep "
EWE: the station code for
Ewell East railway station in Ewell, Surrey.
EwE:
Ecopath with Ecosim, a fisheries ecological modelling computer system.
Edwin Washington Edwards, former Governor of Louisiana, commonly referred to by his initials, EWE.
Isle of Ewe, an island off the west coast of Scotland
European Week Eindhoven, the biggest international free student congress

The Strange Experience

When did this all happen? I seem to loose control of my own life, my own self.
Maybe if I just did things in reverse, it would have been easier.

It started when I was transferred to another school when I was still in my last year in high school. I studied in a strange school, met strange people and somehow tried to fit in. I've lived with strange yet kind people and lived in a strange house which had welcomed me in its care.

I was able to cope up with things but I don't remember any sort of effort done just to make me feel like I belong to that strange world. All I did was just do my stuff. work in the morning then study in the evening; answer questions and participate in class then I got excited in doing an actual original play. I wrote our play! I just hope I haven't lose the manuscript yet. When asked about dreams and careers, I always say,” Be a successful person one day and help my family." But if asked about my careers, specifically, I just can't seem to decide.

When I was still in preschool I dreamt of becoming a nurse, then in the preceding years many things have been hovering inside my head. Things about what I would be, I could be, and other stuff.

When I reach college, that's when I realize that I have to be serious. I've always been serious but this time it's for real. Instead of me choosing, I let my mother do the honor.

I don't know what to think that time. I think that's where these all started. I was overwhelmed with the crowd, a strange crowd again. Amazed by the towering building I'm in, I felt excited and wondered about what will happen to me there.

But during those strange incidents, I was able to cope up yet I still question, how?
I still can't believe everything.

Only one thing's for sure, I love what I chose to do and I'll will continue on doing it. I love the course of track I'm into and I will continue on pacing until I reach the peak. I'll be what I'll be.

Things may not look so bright but that's the way it should be. Besides, I have no idea how to brighten them up. But if I'll have a hint someday, I'll brighten things up. There area a lot to do with only time at hand. I'll find a way. I will.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

....Just My Thoughts on Something.....

How would a person view life? Is it like a mathematical formula in a calculus book or a scientific formula in a chemical book?

What would our diseased heroes say about it?
What would our great scientists tell us about it?
What do parents always tell their children?

Life is not as simple as it seems. We humans know how it feels like to live life. It's cruel, there's doom, sadness, and everything to the negative level.

Living life will be like walking barefooted on a rocky road. It's like climbing on the steepest mountain ever existed. Everything in life is all mixed up and missed up. But there's a big BUT.

Just like magnets, life has poles ,too - the negative and the negative poles. It only mean one thing; in every negative there's always positive. In every wrong there is right.

We cannot say if one is WRONG if the RIGHT one does not exist. Just like our body. It will be hard for us to breath with only one nose hole, or lung. IT will be hard for us to walk if we lack a leg.

Everything is a part of the balance. If only a portion of it is lacking, it will alter the balance. We should maintain that balance. Without that balance our existence will be endangered and all other life forms here on earth.

We humans, as superiors in all life forms here on earth, must be the first to protect that balance. Everything in stake not just OURS. We must not be selfish. Viewing things positively can help a lot. Though we can't stop the negative things from happening, we can still counteract their effects by taking them positively.

We've always been asking opinions from professionals; doctors, chemists, psychologists and many others. We've been very earthly. We've always been thirsty of such knowledge. But still we can never unfold the mystery of life.

Why don't we ask some opinions to the ONE who have seen all sides of life, the ONE who keeps all secrets, the ONE who created us?

Maybe HE can help us know the very facts of life?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Untitled Peom

Here I am in a secluded space,
Having no idea on how to get out of this place.
Laying just like a piece,
in so much peace without any risk.

Trapped in this four-cornered case,
I'm set as if in place.
In time I thought that this is a test,
Where the strong lives and the weak rests.

Contented am I as I may see,
But deep inside dwells a cavity.
A hole that lies long before,
Which I did not care until it sore.

There's no problem, treatment, or cure,
For this illness that I bare.
That's why this space is such a relief,
For a soul that is lost in grief.

I grief but I don't cry,
Nor even take a chance to mourn.
So why do I have to say goodbye,
If i would also die.

So live life and move on,
And know what;s going on.
Continue the walk through that loop,
Find that little hope and use it as a rope.

So climb as high as you can,
Because waiting for you is band.
Reaching out there humble hands,
For you if you ever need one.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Losing A Job...........

I don't know how to react I think I just lost a job yesterday. I've been waiting for the notice for about 2 weeks time but when I knew it, i was too late.
When I heard the news yesterday from my aunt who just got home from work, I was silent. I don't know what to think. All that I could say was, "Ha..."


I didn't cry or lock my self in a room or stay in a corner and cry or weep. I got to admit I feel regrets but as the old saying says,"Regrets comes last in everything!". It's the fact that I can't change nor anyone else.


If my mother knows about this, she would go mad. Losing this jiob is alright with me but to her it isn't. Maybe this job is not mine. If I told her this way she will piss me off.
She will be angry. That's how I knew her back then but things change. Maybe she wasn't like that today, who knows.
I've got to have a job. I've got ot.
It's not anyone's fault, whatever happens, we're just victims of circumstances. God has a different but beautiful plan to each one of us.